Thinking about holiday gatherings? Harvard Health experts weigh in

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Get expert advice on gathering safely from Harvard Health Publishing. Spoiler alert: vaccination is key to helping keep everyone healthy. Below, our faculty contributors share their own plans and advice for safely enjoying the holidays this year while answering three important questions.

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Roger Shapiro, MD

Associate professor of immunology and infectious diseases, Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, Boston

What are your plans this year for gathering — or not gathering — with family or friends during Thanksgiving and other winter holidays, and why?

Unlike 2020, my family will be gathering for Thanksgiving in 2021. Everyone in the family is vaccinated, and most are now boosted as well. We are all comfortable with the protection that being vaccinated brings, and there is agreement that if a COVID-19 exposure were to occur, it is unlikely to cause severe illness.

What advice can you offer people planning to gather in person to reduce the chance of getting or spreading the virus that causes COVID-19?

Everyone who can get vaccinated should be vaccinated, and those who qualify for a booster should get one. Children 5 to 11 may not have their second shot by Thanksgiving but can certainly be fully vaccinated by Christmas. If there are unvaccinated members of your family, your situation is no different than in 2020: gathering is unsafe for the unvaccinated because the first exposure to this virus can be lethal without protection from a vaccine. Additionally, people who are unvaccinated are more likely to be infected before traveling, so they are more likely to bring the virus to the table, possibly causing illness (even if mild) among those who are vaccinated. For families that are all vaccinated and wishing to further reduce the possibility of transmission, taking a rapid antigen test prior to gathering can add a layer of protection.

For people planning to travel to gatherings, what would you advise?

If you are all vaccinated, enjoy the return to a normal holiday season. Vaccines are your main source of protection. If you want to add additional protection, you can consider using rapid antigen tests just before gathering to confirm that everyone is negative. If there are immunocompromised members of your family who may not be fully protected by a vaccine, you should discuss the risks case-by-case with your doctor.

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Suzanne Salamon, MD

Chief of clinical programs in gerontology, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, Boston

What are your plans this year for gathering — or not gathering — with family or friends during Thanksgiving and other winter holidays, and why?

Let me start by saying my 99-year-old mother lives with us, and even though she’s had her third shot of the COVID vaccine, I’m very concerned about immune status. I also have a two-year-old granddaughter who cannot yet get the vaccine. So, everyone’s immune status is not equal. Certainly older people, even those who’ve had their third shot, may not have the same immune status as a 35-year-old.

We have really curtailed the size of our Thanksgiving dinner to under 10 people, since the CDC recommends smaller groups. Nobody wants to see people sitting at home alone during the holidays, but we have to make it as safe as possible for those who are there.

What advice can you offer people planning to gather in person to reduce the chance of getting or spreading the virus that causes COVID-19?

COVID cases are on the rise now in many places, even though a month ago the numbers were trending down. Unfortunately, we need to be more vigilant once again.

Many people are afraid to insult family and friends by asking them about vaccine status before they come. Tell people that you really want to see them, but some family or friends may be immune-suppressed or at higher risk if they get COVID-19, and you’re trying to make the gathering safe for everyone. That’s why I’d ask people to let you know their COVID vaccine status. Even after the two-vaccine series, research is showing diminished antibodies after six months, which may put people at higher risk for getting and/or spreading the virus. I would ask people who are not vaccinated not to come.

When people gather, ventilation is really important in reducing the concentration of any virus that might be present. Have the gathering outside or on a screened porch, if at all possible. We hosted Thanksgiving last year in our garage. We left the garage doors open and set up small tables and little space heaters for warmth. People could be social yet stay separated, and ventilation was great. You can decorate small tables with colorful plastic tablecloths and candles, even put down a rug. If you’re inside, windows and doors can be kept open, which will help move the air around. Have some small space heaters and sweaters available.

Ask everyone to bring a mask, or keep a box of masks available. Wear masks while you’re all chit-chatting until you sit down to dinner. In the bathroom, have a roll of paper towels or paper guest towels rather than a cloth towel, and leave the fan on for ventilation.

For people planning to travel to gatherings, what would you advise?

Planes are thought to be very safe. In the air terminal, sit apart from people. Keep your mask on during the flight.

Traveling by car is pretty safe. If you get out to go to the bathroom or get coffee, wear a mask and wash your hands. Traveling by bus or train is tricky, because even though there is a mask requirement, people will take off their masks. Be sure to wear your own mask. I personally double-mask. Two surgical masks block out a lot and can be a bit more comfortable than the N95 masks we wear in the hospital. A plastic face shield over the mask may be a good idea for added protection.

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John J. Ross, MD

Hospitalist with specialty in infectious diseases, Brigham and Women’s Hospital, Boston

What are your plans this year for gathering — or not gathering — with family or friends during Thanksgiving and other winter holidays, and why?

We are having an unmasked, multigenerational, fully-vaccinated, traditional Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws, just like the Before Times.

What advice can you offer people planning to gather in person to reduce the chance of getting or spreading the virus that causes COVID-19?

Everyone in attendance should have a primary COVID vaccination. Getting vaccinated against COVID reduces the risk of hospitalization or death due to COVID by more than 90%. It also reduces your risk of death from any cause. People who are eligible for booster shots should get them. That includes anyone over 65, and people over 18 with underlying medical conditions, high occupational risk, or those who live in high-risk settings such as group homes, shelters, and long-term care facilities.

Certain vaccinated people are more likely to get breakthrough COVID. This includes people of advanced age, and those with serious medical conditions or weak immune systems. These people should be extremely cautious around those who are not vaccinated or partly vaccinated. I would recommend that they mask around unvaccinated people, physically distance, and use extra ventilation (opening windows, or ideally moving the whole shebang outdoors). Rapid antigen tests may also be helpful in the setting.

For people planning to travel to gatherings, what would you advise?

For those who have long distances to travel, I would recommend flying if possible. Airplanes have excellent ventilation, and masks are mandatory. While masks are also required on trains, they are not as well ventilated as planes, and train travel has been associated with significant COVID risks.

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Amy Sherman, MD

Division of infectious diseases, associate physician, Brigham and Women’s Hospital, Boston

What are your plans this year for gathering — or not gathering — with family or friends during Thanksgiving and other winter holidays, and why?

This Thanksgiving, my fiancé and I are driving to New Jersey and New York (with our dog!) to visit our families. We will have dinner with 14 others from my close family — larger than last year’s Thanksgiving, but smaller than pre-COVID years. Everyone has been vaccinated, and most have received a third dose. We will then visit with my fiancé’s 94-year-old-grandma, choosing to see her independently instead of bringing her to a large gathering.

Although no measures can absolutely make an indoor gathering 100% safe, we will apply layers of protective measures to reduce risk, with vaccinations as the base layer. Additionally, everyone will get tested for the virus that causes COVID-19 before gathering, limit exposure risks in the week before Thanksgiving, avoid public transportation, and drive instead of flying. When we’re together, we’ll spend time outdoors as much as possible. Maybe this year will bring new traditions — an outdoor bonfire instead of nighttime movie marathons, or Friday morning jogs instead of Jazzercise with my aunt!

What advice can you offer people planning to gather in person to reduce the chance of getting or spreading the virus that causes COVID-19?

We are in a much better place this year compared to last year. Connecting with family and friends is important for our mental health and well-being. However, we still need to be cautious, especially when gatherings include people who are older, immunocompromised, or at risk of severe COVID-19. We also have seen recent outbreaks in school-age kids who are not yet vaccinated. I would encourage your family and friends to get vaccinated if they haven’t already. For those family members at higher risk, consider smaller and more intimate gatherings, or do hybrid in-person/Zoom meetings. And layer up with the other risk reducing strategies I suggested!

For people planning to travel to gatherings, what would you advise?

Avoid public transportation if possible. If this is not possible, wear a mask on the bus, train, or airplane, even if you’ve been vaccinated. Vaccinations decrease the severity of disease, but you still could become infected and transmit the virus to others.

Read more advice on gathering for winter holidays this year, such as who can and should get a COVID-19 vaccine booster, whether to take a rapid test or PCR test before spending time with family or friends, how to navigate tricky relationships, and healthy eating through the holiday season.

Making holiday shopping decisions quicker and with less stress

When faced with buying shoes, some people will be done in five minutes and be totally satisfied. For others, it’ll be a multiday process of reading reviews, comparing prices, consideration, and more consideration before making a decision.

Or not.

People can want to make a choice, but fear of making a bad one or of missing a better deal that might come gets in the way. The upcoming holiday gift-buying only ups the pressure.

“Making decisions is a taxing task,” says Dr. Soo Jeong Youn, clinical psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital and assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

We’re doing it constantly, with what to wear and eat. It can also feel agonizing, even paralyzing, because sometimes we don’t know all the information, and so the brain fills in the gaps with worst-case scenarios, which does nothing to lower the stress.

Can we get better at making decisions? The short answer is yes. It takes some organization, but also a mindset shift in which we accept that there is no ideal choice. But before that, it helps to look a little more at why decision-making can be so difficult.

Knowing what to expect

Not all decisions cause the same stress. Big ones, like changing jobs or buying a house, take consideration, which we expect. Everyday choices, like our morning coffee order or groceries, are often automatic. And usually, the prefrontal cortex is in control. That’s the part of the brain behind the forehead, handling executive functioning skills — a term, Youn says, which tries to capture the complexity behind thinking. The prefrontal cortex processes information from the entire brain and puts it together to make a choice.

It’s the midlevel decisions — the new bike, winter jacket, toaster, or shoes — that become troublesome. They’re not huge purchases, but since we don’t make them regularly, we can spend more time weighing cost versus benefit. “We haven’t engaged in the thinking process,” Youn says.

Instead of the prefrontal cortex, the limbic system takes over. It’s the fight-or-flight response part of the brain, and there’s no careful weighing of factors. The goal is simple: survival, and it can cause us to make a less-than-optimal choice just to end the decision-making process — or to avoid the situation altogether by doing nothing, she says.

That’s not necessarily our goal. We want to make a good choice, but often there’s more in play, namely expectations. It’s tied into how we get viewed and what our worth is. If it’s a present, we worry about whether it expresses our feelings appropriately. As Youn says, “That decision is not just about that decision.”

And underlying it all is the fear and regret that you picked the wrong thing.

But to that, Youn poses a question: Wrong for what?

Get your focus

Often, people go into a purchase without being clear on what they need. Is the item for warmth, durability, exercise, style? Does it have to have special features? Do you need it quickly? Establishing a scope gives us something to refer back to and ask, “Does this fit with my purpose?” Conversely, with no parameters, we spend more time and angst making decisions, and sometimes keep looking under the belief that the “perfect” thing exists.

“We want this to check off all the boxes, even though we haven’t defined what all the boxes are,” she says.

For some people, the difficulty is in making the decision, but once done, the stress is over. But for others, the worry continues: the limbic system is still activated, and that’s when regret or buyer’s remorse comes in. Youn says to treat it like that song in your head that won’t go away, and give it some attention.

Examine the worry and name it. If you’re wondering about missing out on something, ask, “Why is that important?” And then with every assumption ask, “And then what would happen?” The process might reduce the magnitude of how much something actually matters. If that doesn’t work and you’re worried that you missed out on a better deal, then do some research. Whatever the result, even if it wasn’t in your favor, take it as a lesson that you can use for the next decision.

Lean on routines

New decisions take energy. That’s why routines are helpful — they remove the uncertainty of what to do in the morning or how to get to work. When possible, Youn says, use previous knowledge instead of constantly reinventing the wheel. If you like a pair of sneakers, there’s no problem with rebuying them if your needs haven’t changed.

If they have, just re-examine the new components, not the stuff you already know. And if you feel like you’re getting stuck in the evaluation process, ask yourself, “Is this worth my time?” The question creates a pause, brings you back into the moment, and allows you to decide how you want to proceed.

More research won’t help with decision-making or decision regret

It helps to realize that when we do our research, there comes a point where we’ve seen everything. In fact, more information becomes overload. What helps is to shrink down options as soon as possible. Maybe start with 10, but quickly get to five, then three, and finally two to compare before picking the winner. What can also help is setting the timer on your phone and giving yourself a certain number of minutes to make a choice. Sometimes that self-imposed deadline can keep us on track, and we can move on to the next decision.

But there can always be a nagging feeling that there’s more to know. In reality there isn’t, and actually we can’t know everything and don’t have to know everything — and that’s all right. As Youn says, “It’s an illusion.”

Naps: Make the most of them and know when to stop them

During the first year of life, naps are crucial for babies (who simply cannot stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time), and crucial for parents and caregivers, who need breaks from the hard work of caring for an infant.

But as children become toddlers and preschoolers, naps aren’t always straightforward. Children often fight them (following the “you snooze you lose” philosophy), and they can conflict with daily tasks (such as school pick-up when there are older siblings) or lead to late bedtimes.

Here are some tips for making naps work for you and your child — and for knowing when they aren’t needed anymore.

Making naps work for your baby

Most infants will take at least two naps during the day, and early in toddlerhood most children will still take both a morning nap and an afternoon nap. Naps are important not just for physical rest and better moods, but also for learning: sleep allows us to consolidate new information. As children get older, they usually drop one of the naps, most commonly the morning nap.

Every child is different when it comes to napping. Some need long naps, some do fine with catnaps, some will give up naps earlier than others. Even within the same family, children can be different. A big part of making naps work is listening to and learning about your child’s temperament and needs. Otherwise, you can end up fighting losing battles.

The needs of a parent or caregiver are also important: everyone needs a break. Sometimes those breaks are particularly useful at specific times of the day (like meal prep time). While you can’t always make a child be sleepy at the most convenient time for you, it’s worth a try — which leads me to the first tip:

Schedule the naps. Instead of waiting for a child to literally drop and fall asleep, have a regular naptime. We all do better when our sleep routines are regular, even adults. If you can, put the child down awake (or partially awake). Learning to fall asleep without a bottle or a breast, or without being held, is a helpful skill for children to learn and can lead to better sleep habits as they grow.

A couple of scheduling notes:

  • If you need a child to fall asleep earlier or later than they seem to do naturally, try to adjust the previous sleep time. For example, if you need an earlier morning nap, wake the child up earlier in the morning. It may not work, but it’s worth a try.
  • Naps later in the afternoon often mean that a child won’t be sleepy until later in the evening. That may not be a problem, but for parents who get tired early or need to get up early, it can be. Try to move the nap earlier, or wake the child earlier. If the problematic afternoon nap is in daycare, talk to the daycare provider about moving or shortening it.

Create a space that’s conducive to sleep. Some children can sleep anywhere and through anything, but most do best with a space that is quiet and dark. A white noise machine (or even just a fan) can also be helpful.

Don’t use screens before naptime or bedtime. The blue light emitted by computers, tablets, and phones can wake up the brain and make it harder for children to fall asleep.

When is it time to give up naps?

Most children give up naps between the ages of 3 and 5. If a child can stay up and be pleasant and engaged throughout the afternoon, they are likely ready to stop. Some crankiness in the late afternoon and early evening is okay; you can always just get them to bed earlier.

One way to figure it out, and ease the transition, is to keep having “quiet time” in the afternoon. Have the child go to bed, but don’t insist on sleep; let them look at books or play quietly. If they stay awake, that’s a sign that they are ready to stop. If they fall asleep but then end up staying up very late, that’s another sign that the afternoon nap needs to go.

Whether or not your child naps, having some quiet time without screens every afternoon is a good habit to get into. It gives your child and everyone else a chance to relax and unwind, and sets a placeholder not just for homework but also for general downtime as children grow — and just like naps for babies, downtime for big kids is crucial.

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Acupuncture relieves prostatitis symptoms in study

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Prostatitis gets little press, but it’s a common inflammatory condition that accounts for more than two million visits to doctors’ offices in the United States every year. Some cases are caused by bacteria that can be readily detected and treated with antibiotics. But more than 90% of the time, prostatitis symptoms (which can include painful urination and ejaculation, pelvic pain, and sexual dysfunction) have no obvious cause. This is called chronic nonbacterial prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome, or CP/CPPS. The treatments are varied. Doctors sometimes start with antibiotics if the condition was preceded by a urinary tract infection. They may also recommend anti-inflammatory painkillers, stress-reduction techniques, pelvic floor exercises, and sometimes drugs such as alpha blockers, which relax tight muscles in the prostate and bladder.

Another treatment that can work for some men is acupuncture. A 2018 review article of three published studies found that acupuncture has the potential to reduce CP/CPPS symptoms without the side effects associated with drug treatments.

Now, results from a newly published clinical trial show symptom reductions from acupuncture are long-lasting. Published in the prestigious journal Annals of Internal Medicine, the findings provide encouraging news for CP/CPPS sufferers.

Acupuncture involves inserting single-use needles into “acupoints” at various locations in the body, and then manipulating them manually or with heat or electrical stimulation. During the study, researchers at ten institutions in China assigned 440 men with prostatitis to receive 20 sessions (across eight weeks) of either real acupuncture, or a control sham procedure wherein the needles are inserted away from traditional acupoints.

The researchers were medical doctors, but the treatments were administered by certified acupuncturists with five years of undergraduate education and at least two years of clinical experience. Treatment benefits were assessed using the National Institutes of Health Chronic Prostatitis Symptom Index (NIH-CPSI), which assigns scores for pain, urinary function, and quality of life. The men were tracked for 24 weeks after the eight weeks of treatment sessions.

By week eight, just over 60% of men in the acupuncture group were reporting significant symptom improvements (with the exception of sexual dysfunction), compared to 37% of the sham-treated men. Importantly, these differences were little changed by week 32, indicating that the benefits of acupuncture were holding steady months after the treatments were initiated.

Precisely how acupuncture relieves prostatitis symptoms is unclear. The authors of the study point to several possibilities, including that stimulation at acupoints promotes the release of naturally occurring opioid-like chemicals (enkephalins, endorphins, and dynorphins) with pain-killing properties. Acupuncture may also have anti-inflammatory effects, and the experience of being treated can also have psychological benefits that result in symptom improvements, the authors speculated.

“The research on prostatitis CPPS has been very sparse and scarce, and often with disappointing results, so this article from practitioners who are also experts in acupuncture is very welcome,” said Dr. Marc Garnick, the Gorman Brothers Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, editor of the Harvard Health Publishing Annual Report on Prostate Diseases, and editor in chief of HarvardProstateKnowledge.org. “The possible causes of prostatitis are many and not fully understood. Furthermore, we do not fully understand how and why interventions that may occasionally aid in relieving troublesome symptoms work. If one is to avail themselves of acupuncture, my advice is to make certain that the acupuncturist that you select is well trained and qualified to perform this potentially important intervention.”